I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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