# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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