Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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