I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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