two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
