so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
