In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
