ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
