another moral hangover. fuck.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
