this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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