why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
