I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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