I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
BRING THE BAGELS
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize