if you like me you must not know who I am
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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