I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
