Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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