Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
