shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That was before I lit my hair on fire
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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