thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
