There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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