im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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