dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
