i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
