Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just blew my weed a kiss
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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