i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
