I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize