Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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