I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
