yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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