He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
