Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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