I think I died a long time ago.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
