You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Randomize
