a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All the doctor said was why
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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