The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
