I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
