He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
