she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
