For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
