I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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