i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
