can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
