you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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