I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
