OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This is my gift to your gina
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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