I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
