you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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