when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
