I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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