how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
