Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
