Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
