Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
