I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
