I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize