Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
