He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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