It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
