dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
