I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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