Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
please come you make the beer taste better
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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