just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
