Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Who died my cat blue again?
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