Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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