im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
