they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
