No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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