hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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