i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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