these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
what day is it and did you see me today?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
